


pest control for werewolves

by sizhu



Series: a bunch of hocus pocus [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternate Universe - Witchcraft, Gen, Spells & Enchantments, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 17:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16454318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sizhu/pseuds/sizhu
Summary: Yuuri (both witchandvampire!) alters a spell to help Phichit deal with his flea and tick problem. They should have stuck with the flea collar idea.Yuri thinks it's the funniest thing ever.There's also some roasting of Yuuri's (and Yuri's) fashion choices.





	pest control for werewolves

**Author's Note:**

> day 2 done and i am caught up!

"It's all just hocus pocus."

"Hmm."

"It's just designed to freak people out, there's nothing _real_ to it."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, who's gonna believe in this shit?"

"Mmh."

"Katsudon, are you even listening to me?"

"Not really," Yuuri said, finally something other than a noncommittal hum. "I'm a little busy altering this _magical spell_ to keep the fleas and ticks off my best friend, since he won't let me douse him with a hose of Frontline or whatever people are claiming is the best flea and tick solution."

"Magi—are you telling me you're a witch?"

"Just because I can do magic doesn't mean I'm a witch," Yuuri said. He cut Yuri a look. "But, yeah, I guess. I mean they tried to hang me as a witch before I was Turned."

"So… You're a witch _and_ a vampire?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No, that's fuckin' awesome." Yuri leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the coffee table. "So, flea and tick control for Phichit?"

"I spent all last summer picking deer ticks off him, so he wouldn't get sick." Yuuri sighed.

"And what about the old man?" Yuri asked. "Does he get a flea and tick spell, too?"

"He seems to do just fine with the flea collar."

"…That's way more than I wanted to know about you and Viktor."

"You asked." Yuuri shrugged. "He said the treatment wasn't working, so we figured we could try the collar before we looked at any magical solutions. He hasn't complained, so I guess it's working. Phichit refused, though. He said it clashed with his 'aesthetic' or whatever that means."

"You just don't understand fashion." Yuri sniffed.

"And you do?" Yuuri asked him, pausing in his work to level Yuri an incredulous look, taking in the purple leopard converse and the tiger print letter jacket. The black skinny jeans and the red shirt with a tiger ripping out of the front weren't terrible, but the rest of it… Yuuri shook his head and went back to work.

"You have _no_ room to judge, Katsudon," Yuri said. "Nothing but sweats and whatever that shit is you wear for your classes. Fuckin' tweed or whatever? How old _are_ you, anyway? And when was the last time you went clothes shopping?"

"Are you really going to ask questions you don't want to know the answer to?"

"Good point." Yuri smirked. "I guess we're lucky you graduated from burlap, you've been around so long."

"You wound me," Yuuri drawled, rolling his eyes. "I'll die, truly. Broken hearted. I'll don my witch's hat and step out into the sun. The Salem Witch Hunters will finally rest in peace."

"Holy shit, Katsudon." Yuri cackled. "Take it down a notch. This isn't Broadway."

"I hear way too much fun being had without me!" Phichit cried as he burst through the front door. "My FOMO senses are tingling!"

Both Yuuri and Yuri just stared at Phichit, matching eyebrows raised. Phichit blinked at them.

"Wow, freaky. Are you sure you're not related?"

"Not by blood." Yuuri shrugged. "Where's Seung-gil?"

"No longer needing the spell because he decided a flea collar was a better solution. Something about making it easier to be left alone." Phichit huffed. "On one hand, kinky. On the other hand, it's hideous. Worse than the tie you wore at your funeral."

"Very funny." Yuuri rolled his eyes. "I think I finished altering the spell, no thanks to Yura."

"You're welcome," Yuri said, inspecting his nails.

"Great!" Phichit ignored Yuri, grinning at Yuuri. "So it'll work? No weird treatments or hideous flea collars?"

"Well, I haven't _tested_ it yet…" Yuuri frowned. "I just finished it, I think. It might not work."

"Oh, let's try it anyway," Phichit said. "It'll be like at uni."

"…Thanks for the reminder." Yuuri sighed. He rolled his shoulders and wiggled his fingers. "Okay, we'll try it. Ready?"

"Totally!"

Yuuri began muttering the incantation of his altered pest control spell. They really ought to be doing this outside, but Yuuri hadn't wanted to get off the floor and Phichit just got home. Magic swirled around them. Yuri watched it all, in just a little bit of awe. He hadn't believed in magic. Werewolves and vampires, sure. Dark creatures that might have been the last remnants of an ancient magic, but nothing like this. Nothing like what Yuuri was creating.

As the incantation wound to a close, magic wound its way around Phichit, hiding him behind a mist. It swirled and congealed until it vanished completely, and in Phichit's place stood…

Not Phichit.

"… Well, that wasn't supposed to happen."

Phichit blinked. He turned his head and looked around as he adjusted to his new height. "…Yuuri…"

"Yes?"

"…Did you turn me into a Pomeranian?"

"…No?"

Yuri fell off the couch, cackling up a storm.


End file.
